This song isn't exactly new...but somehow it's stuck in my head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVTyLqkez6A

If I Were A Boy
Beyonce Knowles

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go

Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it
Cause they’d stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man

I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone its broken
So they think that I was sleeping alone

I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waiting for me to come home
To come home

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man

I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted (wanted)
Cause he’s taken you for granted (granted)
And everything you had got destroyed

It’s a little too late
for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don’t understand (yea you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man

You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

But you're just a boy…

The MTV's pretty well planned and protrays the song pretty well. It's a song of such mixed feelings...the best words I can come up with are irony and dilemma. The words talk about how she understands he acts like that, yet at the same time puts herself so much pain, and going back again to trying to convince herself that she understand why he's such an arse.

Sigh...the things we put each another through at times...are we aware of it when it really matters?

OMG there's more!!

ROFLMAO

This is seriously the funniest video I've ever seen in a very very long while.

Either that or there's that little funnies in my life these days.

Thanks Jia'er for the link.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

A Return to Love - Marianne Williamson


How often is the movie of Coach Carter used for motivational camps and programs? But true enough, it's one hell of emotional rollercoaster watching just clips of that movie. I just got stunned watching how one of the characters quoted the entire text above. Initially I was kinda surprised how it was so not in that character to be able to do so, but realised it's quoted after looking it up online.

The first two lines struck me hard. Many times in past entries I questioned fear. My own fear. I fear my darkness. I fear the power of destruction that I have. Strengths that I have, could too easily be wielded for darkness instead of light. Receiving this quote made me realise this once again. The very light that I seek, could very well be in the darkness I've sought to contain.

"Kingdom Hearts... is light!"

But it the Keyblade Master an epic journey to find that out. How long more will my journey be?

It's been a while since I've blogged. I wouldn't say I'm completely busy or what, it's just that the timings are...inconvenient. By the time I get home, I'm too tired to really do much. My backlog of games is piling up, maybe it's time to get to them while I've run out of stuff to do in Everquest.

Work's...ok, there's people to look forward to daily. Doing things for people keeps me going these days, with little to achieve for the self. Though at times I do ponder and long to have time to do things for myself. Chatting to a colleague recently made me realise this is how I work. Unlike her, I don't have distant goals set that must be achieved. Instead I only have what I call, "next-step" goals. It's not like I don't have goals in life, it's just that I don't have them as fixated as her. And thinking about it, it's my way of not being overwhelmed by disappointment and attaining balance.

Or do I? Thinking more about it (yes yes, I'm thinking too much, but I do anyway), I realise I once did. It's been long faded. A faded dream. Yet...I'm still dreaming.

Lately, my fuse is really darn short. I'm snapping at the smallest of things. I made a student cry for giving me attitude. While it happened, the more upset he seemed, the more pissed off I got. The darkness of me that I sought to contain started leaking out. It wasn't that bad an experience though, since it kinda laid certain expectations for the class, but I do think I could and should have done it without stooping that low.

And why's my fuse so short? The dumbest thing is that it all began with a...good dream. I guess that kinda explains it, considering a certain oxymoronic nature of "good" and "dream". Precisely it was good but is only a dream.

Today would make the second time in the week such a dream happened. Granted, this time's wasn't exactly good. But why is it still happening? The last time it did was quite some time back. A colleague said it was probably just a release of memories, rather than lingering thoughts. But then why is it still happening? I feel like such a wreck. How can I be of any good to anyone in this state?

"The dreams that have faded...never forget them."

Yuna said that. I really agree with it. No matter how it goes, I want to remember. I don't want some half ass forgotten memory. I want to stay true to myself. Peter Parker held on to the memory of Gwen, but Mary Jane taught him to love again. I think it's only complete and right this way, though the conflict of having to depend and rely on another is there.

A colleage of mine's been singing this song to me. Mostly to irritate me. Not in a malicious way of course.

Close To You
Carpenters

Why do birds suddenly appear
Everytime you are near?
Just like me they long to be
Close to you

Why do stars fall down from the sky
Everytime you walk by?
Just like me they long to be
Close to you

On the day that you were born the angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moondust in your hair
Of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around
Just like me they long to be
Close to you

Little does she know her annoyance is actually working in unexpected ways, but seeing how much fun she has doing so...well, I guess I too have to just deal with it myself too.

This could have been a TSotR entry, but I thought it would fit better under SoS this time...

开始懂了
孙燕姿

我竟然没有调头
最残忍那一刻
静静看你走
一点都不像我

原来人会变得温柔
是透彻的懂了
爱情是流动的 不由人的
何必激动着要理由

相信你只是怕伤害我 不是骗我
很爱过谁会舍得
把我的梦摇醒了
宣布幸福不会来了

用心酸微笑去原谅了 也翻越了
有昨天还是好的
但明天是自己的
开始懂了
快乐是选择

最残忍那一刻... 静静看你走...
把我的梦摇醒了... 宣布幸福不会来了...
快乐是选择... really?

I could...but I think I no longer want or dare to.

Yesterday, I had dinner with a group of really good old friends from JC. Then they started talking about buying houses. And I looked at what I had just bought.

A Transformers Animated Cybertronian Optimus Prime.

Sigh.

It's been...a while. There hasn't been a song which caught my attention like this one just has. Probably because I've been tuning less to the mandarin radio stations. English radio stations has better humor from the DJs for me, but somehow the songs lack a certain type of melody which I...like. Hearing this one today, reminded me how much an affinity I have for such melodies. It's not a new song, but its melody type seems to be a dying kind with fewer around.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=25sHHbjB2Zg

灰色空间
罗志祥

原来不是白就是黑
只不过是天真的以为
要醉得清醒 要无辜的犯罪
现实的世界只有灰

坚强得太久好疲惫
想抱爱的人沉沉的睡
卷来的风暴凶猛里有种美
死了心痛就没感觉

灰色空间 我是谁
记不得幸福是什么滋味
无路可退 你是谁
怎么为我流泪

梦见发着光的草原
一身伤回到很久以前
我选择不恨 带着平静走远
醒来后遗憾是长夜

灰色空间 我是谁
记不得幸福是什么滋味
无路可退 你是谁
怎么为我流泪
请抱着我流泪

The chorus lyrics caught my attention pretty quick, with the question raised, "Who am I in the grey area (between black and white)?" Followed by the line that says, "I've forgotten how bliss feels like." Reading up the lyrics, the theme is clearly defined right with the first line, saying how thinking that it's always either black or white is but a naive belief.

In my thirst for knowledge and empathy, I found myself stuck in the area of grey. Who am I then? If ignorance is bliss, then no wonder I've forgotten how it's suppose to feel like. At times I think I remember, but do I really? Someone who was once important to me told me I'm too easily influenced. Am I? In my attempt to stay grey, there are so many times I fluctuate between black and white, taking on as many perspectives as I can. But in the end, where and who am I in the area of grey?

Why can't this then be just me? Must I be black or white in order to find and be myself? How naive.

Q: Name one source of noise pollution and explain how the source of pollution can affect us.
A: Speech by the president. It affect us as it is sure to be so boring and moreover, it is irritating.