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My name is not Clyde
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30th-Mar-2016 04:42 pm - Lost Dreams
Theme playing in the background while I type this.

Last entry here was in 2010. It's been a while, to say the least. So much has...changed. Not quite as negatively as it might sound, it's just that life moves on, growing up takes place. I have nowhere else to pen my thoughts these days.

I've been a father for two years now. Life has taken its toll. "Real" life. I try to not look back too often, neither have I have had the time or energy to actually look back. But it does happen at times, and sometimes I can't help but wonder how life was so much simpler. Hopeful. So many dreams and somedays to look forward to. An ideal was always there to aim for.

As I listen to this theme playing, I'm reminded of the show. I'm typing this now because I somehow got emotional thinking about what Saitama and One Punch Man tries to convey. Beneath the excitement and epicness, the show presents the concept of having an ideal. An epitome. A perfection that truly exists in the world of OPM.

These...were things I believed it. And looking at them now, part of me really still wishes they exist in real life too. But do they...? Perhaps that's why these anime, cartoons and fiction still exist...
The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)High
Level 2 (Lustful)Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Test
21st-Nov-2008 09:32 pm - That Song on the Radio XV
This song isn't exactly new...but somehow it's stuck in my head.


If I Were A Boy
Beyonce Knowles

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go

Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it
Cause they’d stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man

I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone its broken
So they think that I was sleeping alone

I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waiting for me to come home
To come home

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man

I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted (wanted)
Cause he’s taken you for granted (granted)
And everything you had got destroyed

It’s a little too late
for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don’t understand (yea you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man

You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

But you're just a boy…

The MTV's pretty well planned and protrays the song pretty well. It's a song of such mixed feelings...the best words I can come up with are irony and dilemma. The words talk about how she understands he acts like that, yet at the same time puts herself so much pain, and going back again to trying to convince herself that she understand why he's such an arse.

Sigh...the things we put each another through at times...are we aware of it when it really matters?
1st-Sep-2008 06:42 pm - Joker Interrogation Spoof Outtakes

OMG there's more!!


This is seriously the funniest video I've ever seen in a very very long while.

Either that or there's that little funnies in my life these days.

Thanks Jia'er for the link.
23rd-Jul-2008 11:15 am - Our Deepest Fear
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

A Return to Love - Marianne Williamson

How often is the movie of Coach Carter used for motivational camps and programs? But true enough, it's one hell of emotional rollercoaster watching just clips of that movie. I just got stunned watching how one of the characters quoted the entire text above. Initially I was kinda surprised how it was so not in that character to be able to do so, but realised it's quoted after looking it up online.

The first two lines struck me hard. Many times in past entries I questioned fear. My own fear. I fear my darkness. I fear the power of destruction that I have. Strengths that I have, could too easily be wielded for darkness instead of light. Receiving this quote made me realise this once again. The very light that I seek, could very well be in the darkness I've sought to contain.

"Kingdom Hearts... is light!"

But it the Keyblade Master an epic journey to find that out. How long more will my journey be?
1st-Jul-2008 09:53 am - Dreams...
It's been a while since I've blogged. I wouldn't say I'm completely busy or what, it's just that the timings are...inconvenient. By the time I get home, I'm too tired to really do much. My backlog of games is piling up, maybe it's time to get to them while I've run out of stuff to do in Everquest.

Work's...ok, there's people to look forward to daily. Doing things for people keeps me going these days, with little to achieve for the self. Though at times I do ponder and long to have time to do things for myself. Chatting to a colleague recently made me realise this is how I work. Unlike her, I don't have distant goals set that must be achieved. Instead I only have what I call, "next-step" goals. It's not like I don't have goals in life, it's just that I don't have them as fixated as her. And thinking about it, it's my way of not being overwhelmed by disappointment and attaining balance.

Or do I? Thinking more about it (yes yes, I'm thinking too much, but I do anyway), I realise I once did. It's been long faded. A faded dream. Yet...I'm still dreaming.

Lately, my fuse is really darn short. I'm snapping at the smallest of things. I made a student cry for giving me attitude. While it happened, the more upset he seemed, the more pissed off I got. The darkness of me that I sought to contain started leaking out. It wasn't that bad an experience though, since it kinda laid certain expectations for the class, but I do think I could and should have done it without stooping that low.

And why's my fuse so short? The dumbest thing is that it all began with a...good dream. I guess that kinda explains it, considering a certain oxymoronic nature of "good" and "dream". Precisely it was good but is only a dream.

Today would make the second time in the week such a dream happened. Granted, this time's wasn't exactly good. But why is it still happening? The last time it did was quite some time back. A colleague said it was probably just a release of memories, rather than lingering thoughts. But then why is it still happening? I feel like such a wreck. How can I be of any good to anyone in this state?

"The dreams that have faded...never forget them."

Yuna said that. I really agree with it. No matter how it goes, I want to remember. I don't want some half ass forgotten memory. I want to stay true to myself. Peter Parker held on to the memory of Gwen, but Mary Jane taught him to love again. I think it's only complete and right this way, though the conflict of having to depend and rely on another is there.
2nd-Jun-2008 10:05 pm - Same old songs, just once more XXIV
A colleage of mine's been singing this song to me. Mostly to irritate me. Not in a malicious way of course.

Close To You

Why do birds suddenly appear
Everytime you are near?
Just like me they long to be
Close to you

Why do stars fall down from the sky
Everytime you walk by?
Just like me they long to be
Close to you

On the day that you were born the angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moondust in your hair
Of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around
Just like me they long to be
Close to you

Little does she know her annoyance is actually working in unexpected ways, but seeing how much fun she has doing so...well, I guess I too have to just deal with it myself too.
2nd-Jun-2008 03:20 pm - Same old songs, just once more XXIII
This could have been a TSotR entry, but I thought it would fit better under SoS this time...



爱情是流动的 不由人的

相信你只是怕伤害我 不是骗我

用心酸微笑去原谅了 也翻越了

最残忍那一刻... 静静看你走...
把我的梦摇醒了... 宣布幸福不会来了...
快乐是选择... really?

I could...but I think I no longer want or dare to.
22nd-May-2008 06:14 pm - A Simple Dinner
Yesterday, I had dinner with a group of really good old friends from JC. Then they started talking about buying houses. And I looked at what I had just bought.

A Transformers Animated Cybertronian Optimus Prime.

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