My name is not Clyde

That Song on the Radio XV

2008-11-21T13:46:28Z

This song isn't exactly new...but somehow it's stuck in my head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVTyLqkez6A

If I Were A Boy
Beyonce Knowles

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go

Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it
Cause they’d stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man

I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone its broken
So they think that I was sleeping alone

I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waiting for me to come home
To come home

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man

I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted (wanted)
Cause he’s taken you for granted (granted)
And everything you had got destroyed

It’s a little too late
for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don’t understand (yea you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man

You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

But you're just a boy…

The MTV's pretty well planned and protrays the song pretty well. It's a song of such mixed feelings...the best words I can come up with are irony and dilemma. The words talk about how she understands he acts like that, yet at the same time puts herself so much pain, and going back again to trying to convince herself that she understand why he's such an arse.

Sigh...the things we put each another through at times...are we aware of it when it really matters?

Joker Interrogation Spoof Outtakes

2008-09-01T10:42:19Z

OMG there's more!!

ROFLMAO

The Dark Knight- Joker Interrogation Scene Spoof

2008-08-28T08:43:19Z

This is seriously the funniest video I've ever seen in a very very long while.

Either that or there's that little funnies in my life these days.

Thanks Jia'er for the link.

Our Deepest Fear

2008-07-23T03:29:09Z

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

A Return to Love - Marianne Williamson

How often is the movie of Coach Carter used for motivational camps and programs? But true enough, it's one hell of emotional rollercoaster watching just clips of that movie. I just got stunned watching how one of the characters quoted the entire text above. Initially I was kinda surprised how it was so not in that character to be able to do so, but realised it's quoted after looking it up online.

The first two lines struck me hard. Many times in past entries I questioned fear. My own fear. I fear my darkness. I fear the power of destruction that I have. Strengths that I have, could too easily be wielded for darkness instead of light. Receiving this quote made me realise this once again. The very light that I seek, could very well be in the darkness I've sought to contain.

"Kingdom Hearts... is light!"

But it the Keyblade Master an epic journey to find that out. How long more will my journey be?

Dreams...

2008-07-01T02:06:18Z

It's been a while since I've blogged. I wouldn't say I'm completely busy or what, it's just that the timings are...inconvenient. By the time I get home, I'm too tired to really do much. My backlog of games is piling up, maybe it's time to get to them while I've run out of stuff to do in Everquest.

Work's...ok, there's people to look forward to daily. Doing things for people keeps me going these days, with little to achieve for the self. Though at times I do ponder and long to have time to do things for myself. Chatting to a colleague recently made me realise this is how I work. Unlike her, I don't have distant goals set that must be achieved. Instead I only have what I call, "next-step" goals. It's not like I don't have goals in life, it's just that I don't have them as fixated as her. And thinking about it, it's my way of not being overwhelmed by disappointment and attaining balance.

Or do I? Thinking more about it (yes yes, I'm thinking too much, but I do anyway), I realise I once did. It's been long faded. A faded dream. Yet...I'm still dreaming.

Lately, my fuse is really darn short. I'm snapping at the smallest of things. I made a student cry for giving me attitude. While it happened, the more upset he seemed, the more pissed off I got. The darkness of me that I sought to contain started leaking out. It wasn't that bad an experience though, since it kinda laid certain expectations for the class, but I do think I could and should have done it without stooping that low.

And why's my fuse so short? The dumbest thing is that it all began with a...good dream. I guess that kinda explains it, considering a certain oxymoronic nature of "good" and "dream". Precisely it was good but is only a dream.

Today would make the second time in the week such a dream happened. Granted, this time's wasn't exactly good. But why is it still happening? The last time it did was quite some time back. A colleague said it was probably just a release of memories, rather than lingering thoughts. But then why is it still happening? I feel like such a wreck. How can I be of any good to anyone in this state?

"The dreams that have faded...never forget them."

Yuna said that. I really agree with it. No matter how it goes, I want to remember. I don't want some half ass forgotten memory. I want to stay true to myself. Peter Parker held on to the memory of Gwen, but Mary Jane taught him to love again. I think it's only complete and right this way, though the conflict of having to depend and rely on another is there.

Same old songs, just once more XXIV

2008-06-02T14:17:46Z

A colleage of mine's been singing this song to me. Mostly to irritate me. Not in a malicious way of course.

Close To You
Carpenters

Why do birds suddenly appear
Everytime you are near?
Just like me they long to be
Close to you

Why do stars fall down from the sky
Everytime you walk by?
Just like me they long to be
Close to you

On the day that you were born the angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moondust in your hair
Of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around
Just like me they long to be
Close to you

Little does she know her annoyance is actually working in unexpected ways, but seeing how much fun she has doing so...well, I guess I too have to just deal with it myself too.

Same old songs, just once more XXIII

2008-06-02T10:44:01Z

This could have been a TSotR entry, but I thought it would fit better under SoS this time...

开始懂了
孙燕姿

我竟然没有调头
最残忍那一刻
静静看你走
一点都不像我

原来人会变得温柔
是透彻的懂了
爱情是流动的不由人的
何必激动着要理由

相信你只是怕伤害我不是骗我
很爱过谁会舍得
把我的梦摇醒了
宣布幸福不会来了

用心酸微笑去原谅了也翻越了
有昨天还是好的
但明天是自己的
开始懂了
快乐是选择

最残忍那一刻... 静静看你走...
把我的梦摇醒了... 宣布幸福不会来了...
快乐是选择... really?

I could...but I think I no longer want or dare to.

A Simple Dinner

2008-05-22T10:16:26Z

Yesterday, I had dinner with a group of really good old friends from JC. Then they started talking about buying houses. And I looked at what I had just bought.

A Transformers Animated Cybertronian Optimus Prime.

Sigh.

That Song on the Radio XIV

2008-05-16T12:18:39Z

It's been...a while. There hasn't been a song which caught my attention like this one just has. Probably because I've been tuning less to the mandarin radio stations. English radio stations has better humor from the DJs for me, but somehow the songs lack a certain type of melody which I...like. Hearing this one today, reminded me how much an affinity I have for such melodies. It's not a new song, but its melody type seems to be a dying kind with fewer around.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=25sHHbjB2Zg

灰色空间
罗志祥

原来不是白就是黑
只不过是天真的以为
要醉得清醒要无辜的犯罪
现实的世界只有灰

坚强得太久好疲惫
想抱爱的人沉沉的睡
卷来的风暴凶猛里有种美
死了心痛就没感觉

灰色空间我是谁
记不得幸福是什么滋味
无路可退你是谁
怎么为我流泪

梦见发着光的草原
一身伤回到很久以前
我选择不恨带着平静走远
醒来后遗憾是长夜

灰色空间我是谁
记不得幸福是什么滋味
无路可退你是谁
怎么为我流泪
请抱着我流泪

The chorus lyrics caught my attention pretty quick, with the question raised, "Who am I in the grey area (between black and white)?" Followed by the line that says, "I've forgotten how bliss feels like." Reading up the lyrics, the theme is clearly defined right with the first line, saying how thinking that it's always either black or white is but a naive belief.

In my thirst for knowledge and empathy, I found myself stuck in the area of grey. Who am I then? If ignorance is bliss, then no wonder I've forgotten how it's suppose to feel like. At times I think I remember, but do I really? Someone who was once important to me told me I'm too easily influenced. Am I? In my attempt to stay grey, there are so many times I fluctuate between black and white, taking on as many perspectives as I can. But in the end, where and who am I in the area of grey?

Why can't this then be just me? Must I be black or white in order to find and be myself? How naive.

Amusing Exam Answer of the Day

2008-05-09T11:47:07Z

Q: Name one source of noise pollution and explain how the source of pollution can affect us.
A: Speech by the president. It affect us as it is sure to be so boring and moreover, it is irritating.

ItsJustSomeRandomBlogEntry

2008-05-07T12:51:55Z

Last year, I stumbled upon SomeRandomYoutubeVideos, which spoofed the PC/Mac advertisements using Marvel/DC action figures. Funny, witty and amusing stuff if you asked me. This year, with the hype of Iron Man, I found that the guy behind this series of videos has done so much more over the year. Check out ItsJustSomeRandomGuy (and his gf ItsJustSomeRandomGal) in his RandomCat productions:

http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=ItsJustSomeRandomGuy

The first few videos were silly hilarious spoofs of the PC/Mac adverts. It then moved on to a pretty good story line titled Happy Hour which started as a behind-the-scenes bar for Marvel/DC Super Heroes to, erm, discuss (rant) about their recent big screen appearances. The story developed into a pretty good attempt at time travel to alter comic book realities, with a motivational and inspiring message to boot (check out the Xmas video while you're at it). It's definitely not SomeRandomJunk you'd find on the internet these days.

The videos showed some pretty good understanding of the characters, background and their personalities. Voice acting (all males by RandomGuy, likewise females by RandomGal) is awesome for such a small scale production. Most of the characters actually sound like how one would expect them to sound like, with reference to how they did in cartoons or movies.

If you don't believe me, just check out the latest video of Iron Man and Batman. You *might* need some background knowledge of the characters to fully appreciate the humor. Okay, ItsJustSomeRandomFan signing off.

Blues

2008-05-06T01:27:36Z

It still came. So many thoughts, so little energy to put it together. Some can't even be said out here. Either way I'm gonna hurt, so I might as well do it in a way people I care about would benefit. Let's see how long my 'new' resolve will last.

The "Anyway" List

2008-04-25T00:22:13Z

Somehow...Auspicium Melioris Aevi...

Deriving Personal Meaning in the Messy World

The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

http://www.paradoxicalcommandments.com/

Week new, same old

2008-04-20T23:31:58Z

It's Monday. Is this the beginning of a new week, or was it yesterday? All along I've taken Sunday to be the first day of the week. I think it's just because I like how it looks on the calendar, for the 5 days to be outlined by the two days of the weekend.

Some weekend that was. Would it have been better if things happened the way I'd like it? Then again, how would have I liked it? Spent the weekend alternating between sleeping, killing random demons (figuratively and literally), searching random quotes, eating random food, thinking random things... Okay, so the only non-random thing was sleeping. Am I that tired? Should I have planned my weekend, instead of allowing it to happen as it would? Then again, why is it that I'm not planning weekends anyway? Or have I already planned it subconsciously? lol.

Things happen. I react. How do I know I've done the right or wrong thing? My objective is so simple that no one really understands. Then again, I believe no one can really 100% understand another person. Yet, there are times when a simple "I understand you" sounds so damn good. Perhaps, I should have never came up with that belief that there's no such thing as 100% understanding. Afterall, even 50% understanding is understanding. Yet, there will be those who would condemn the other 50% then.

Utilitarianism. A concept so simple, with the fundamental flaw of ending up self sacrificial when necessary. It's always okay until the loneliness catches up with the solitude. Where do I go from here? I'd like to make a decision, yet it also seems to not need one. I can only, once again, blame my limited wisdom, courage and power. Or perhaps I'm just that blind, as some have kindly pointed out for me.

Quotes. Searching random quotes yesterday, one quote leading to another, I stumbled on someone familiar. Someone whom I knew very well in the past. Someone whom I think I've abandoned. When did I abandon him? I don't really know. Why did I abandon him? To protect myself. The hurt and the pain that resulted from the idealistic and naive self... it's all part of growth. Yet, looking back, part of me wishes I never did abandon so much of him. At least...he believed he could hold on to happiness.

Sometimes...I really wish sleep could be eternal. Running away seems so much easier. But I fight on. Because, for better or worse, that's just the way it is. Tomorrow will come, and I have to wake up. The little that I can do, I hope it's worth it. Then again, perhaps I shouldn't hope anymore. Another topic, another time.

Just a random quote...

2008-04-20T11:19:33Z

“Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable.
It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...
You give them a piece of you.
They didn't ask for it.
They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.
Love takes hostages.
It gets inside you.
It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
It hurts.
Not just in the imagination.
Not just in the mind.
It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
I hate love.”
-- Neil Gaiman

Maybe

2008-04-11T00:17:23Z

Unexpectedly reminded that yesterday was already the 10th of April...

Maybe...

...just maybe...

...if I keep busy enough...

...it won't happen.

That Song on the Radio XIII

2008-03-19T07:13:57Z

I suppose this might be surprising for those who know me, but yea, I've been actually tuning in to English radio channels. This song...popped up this morning on the radio on my way to school. And here's the first English song lyrics I'm putting up for TSotR.

Breathless
Shayne Ward

If our love was a fairy tale
I would charge in and rescue you
On a yacht baby we would sail
To an island where we'd say I do
And if we had babies they would look like you
It'd be so beautiful if that came true
You don't even know how very special you are

You leave me breathless
You're everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can't believe that you're mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you're leaving me
Breathless

And if our love was a story book
We would meet on the very first page
The last chapter would be about
How I'm thankful for the life we've made
And if we had babies they would have your eyes
I would fall deeper watching you give life
You don't even know how very special you are

You leave me breathless
You're everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can't believe that you're mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you're leaving me

You must have been sent from heaven to earth to change me
You're like an angel
The thing that I feel is stronger than love, believe me
You're something special
I only hope that I'll one day deserve what you've given me
But all I can do is try
Every day of my life

You leave me breathless
You're everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can't believe that you're mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you're leaving me
Breathless

You're everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can't believe that you're mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you're leaving me
Breathless

Breathless

Initially when I heard this song, the R&B feel didn't quite sink in. It caught on eventually, like many R&B tunes for me. Two like that I liked a lot...first would be "You don't even know how very special you are." How often this would be true from the view of the giving self.

The other would be "I only hope that I'll one day deserve what you've given me. But all I can do is try, every day of my life." Continuing from the other line I quoted, it's one heartfelt line. Also, the choice of the word try is also interesting to me, having quoted Yoda's "Do or do not, there is no try."

When is try good enough? I don't think I'll ever really know.

Of screaming angels and crying devils

2008-03-15T06:41:24Z

Shall Never Surrender
(Devil May Cry 4)

The time has come and so have I
I'll laugh last cause you came to die
The damage done, the pain subsides
And I can see the fear clear when I look in your eye

I never kneel and I'll never rest
You can tear the heart from my chest
I'll make you see what I do best,
I'll succeed as you breathe your very last breath.

Now I know how the angel fell (just kneel)
I know the tale and I know it too well (just bow)
I'll make you wish you had a soul to sell (soul to sell)
When I strike you down and send you straight to hell

My army comes from deep within
Beneath my soul, beneath my skin
As you're ending, I'm about to begin
My strength, his bane, and I will never give in

I'll tell you now I'm the one to survive
You never break my faith or my stride
I'll have you choke on your own demise
I make the angel scream, and the devil cry

My honored brethren
We come together
To unite as one
Against those that are damned
We show no mercy
For we have none
Our enemy shall fall
As we apprise
To claim our fate
Now and forever
We'll be together
In love and in hate

They will see, we'll fight until eternity
Come with me, we'll stand and fight together
Through our strength, we'll make a better day
Tomorrow we shall never surrender

We shall never surrender

Completing DMC4 a second time got this song hitting home for me. Heave Metal is a genre of music that I'm somewhat a closet fan of. But the part that I really liked was the quiet part after all the metal and chant.

Come with me, we'll stand and fight together.

Who are you? Why should I trust you to stand with you, much less to fight alongside you?

Through our strength, we'll make a better day.

Strength? *scoff* Today wasn't better than yesterday. What makes a better day tomorrow?

Tomorrow we shall never surrender

Just surrender and move on la foo.

The rest of lyrics, though is an literal reference to what goes on in the world of Devil May Cry, is also metaphoric for many things close to the heart of an individual. The inner devils and angels. The constant internal struggle. The part of self that gets killed. Perhaps over and over again. The hell within.

Is strength...from fear or faith? To fight until eternity...

Matrix Revelations

2008-03-05T11:51:13Z

"Choice, the problem is choice." -- Neo

Hmm.

Therefore, if I had no choice, I would have no problem?

...

D:

周杰伦 vs. 宇豪

2008-03-03T09:01:46Z

It's no secret I'm a fan of piano battles/duets. It's no secret I'm a fan of Jay's.

It's also no secret I'm a gamer.

Byul (Star) Unofficial English Version

2008-02-28T00:13:41Z

Yesterday I found this video of a guy called Reuben Wong, who did his own version of Byul (Star) in English. It's not a literal translation, but he brought out the meaning of the original lyrics pretty well, and performed it very well in the video below.

Byul (Star)
English lyrics by Reuben Wong

I feel the wind blow in this place
There I see the stars beyond this window pane
Shining so bright
Here in this night
Here I feel a sense of love

Deep in my heart I cry for you
Every tear that falls feels like a wound
The stars in the skies
Gently shines
Taking away my pain...

I hear a voice gently saying
Don't be afraid
I feel a warmth come over me
As I sleep in their embrace

And even though I...
Do not have the strength to go on
Even though I try to hold on
This love will never ever be meant for me

But I'll keep on smiling
Even though my dreams won't come true
I'll remember every moment with you
Like the stars that shine forever, I'll treasure my love
For you

It might be easier to see now...how that, in the reminders of pain and tears, in the lost of strength to go on, in losing sight of dreams...there can still be warmth and smiles, there is still something to treasure and cherish...like the stars that shine forever. For you.

Answer...

2008-02-27T13:39:47Z

...to the question in the previous entry, of course.

[e] Others: None of the above. All the above share a common fatal flaw -- they focus on what is lacking.

----------------------------------------------------

Some of you might have heard me bragging about my 'healing factor' before. I think I can attribute it to my ability to think of multiple things at the same time and quickly. Mind over body, afterall. Some have passed it off as 'thinking too much', myself included, and I have no intention of denying that it is a possible way to view it. But today, it was once again a case of thinking it through, ie. 相通.

In a matter of 12 hours, I'm 'cured' of the blues. Well, I wouldn't say it's 100%, but I feel a lot better than I did 12 hours ago. I was unexpectedly saved by a random hearing of Hakuna Matata from The Lion King. It began as a reminder to have No Worries, which led to me looking up the phrase 'Hakuna Matata' on the internet. Incidently, it led me back to...

...200 Pound Beauty, a movie I really loved almost a year ago. An entry I made a year ago, talked about the two main songs of the movie, and I went to look up the lyrics once again. The song Byul (Star) was where I found my answer. The entire lyrics of the song resonates with me, but one line fixed my mind really quickly. Translated, of course:

I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart; Like those countless number of stars, forever.

It dawn upon me how much I got myself stuck thinking about what I lack, what I want but cannot get...I had momentarily forgotten how to look at it from the another angle, and simply...cherish what I do have.

Little Joys

2008-02-27T01:47:02Z

When the little joys in life don't seem to be enough, what do you do?

[a] Go find more little joys in life.
[b] Wait for (more) little joys in life to come your way.
[c] Accept that it's enough.
[d] Force yourself to accept that it's enough.
[e] Others: _____________________________________________

xkcd

2008-02-21T06:45:05Z

http://xkcd.com/

Check it out. This is probably the first time I'll ever recommend a webcomic. Unlike the rest that I follow, this one isn't games or toys related. As the title banner puts it, it's "a webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language." Somehow that appeals a lot to me. And the usage of stick figures of course, those who know me for quite some time would probably know my affinity for stick figures.

Thanks Krissie, for sharing the link with me!

No so random love quotes

2008-02-20T01:41:38Z

I've been on-and-off pondering about this quote for some time now, ever since I saw it on a, of all places, Granado Espanda Valentine's Day event submission.

To love is nothing. To be loved is something. To love and be loved is everything.
- Anonymous
Three simple lines. What caught my attention is I couldn't decide if it were completely true. For starters, love itself is too heavy a word for me to use freely. Next would be that nothing and everything seem rather...exaggerating.

Is it really nothing to love? The hurt that is risked may be something to be expected and accepted, but is still painful essentially. One would and should proclaim the hurt to be nothing, but who are we bluffing? Ourselves, most of all. And we need to do so in order to stay strong, in order to...love. So, how exactly can it be nothing?

Is is everything to love and be loved? Perhaps, for one who feels love is that important in life. How about those who haven't reach that stage in life, or simply do not think finding love is a priority in life? And, if it is everything, would it mean we have nothing if we don't have it? How exactly can it be everything?

Two big questions raised for myself by three simple lines. But it reminded me of another line that I liked a lot back a while back.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
- Christian, Moulin Rouge
Greatest. A safer word to use than everything. Perhaps, things would be simpler if we just believed in nothing, something and everything.